Sweet Sorrow Read online

  Yes, I know about parties. I hate them. Some of my worst memories were at other people’s houses when parents were away.

  “So, yeah. Everyone was messed up. There were like a hundred people. I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the cops. Music was blasting, people were everywhere. Me and Mark and Braden went out to the garage to escape the noise. Mark lit a joint and we passed it around. We smoked a little and then went back inside. It was late. People started heading home. There were probably about twenty of us left. All of a sudden, something explodes out in the garage. Smoke alarms are going off. A few people leave before the fire department comes, but I stuck around. Alex and I were tight. I didn’t want to just bail and leave him to deal with his house burning up around him.”

  I’d been to Alex’s house. Not a house. A mansion. His parents went out of town all the time and Alex had a lot of parties. I’d been to a couple with Mark.

  “Police came and searched the place. They found drugs in Braden’s backpack. There were ten of us arrested. The other guys called their parents and they were out of jail in a couple of hours. I called Carlos. He didn’t have the money to get me out, so I had to sit there all weekend and wait for a hearing on Monday. They reduced the bond enough so Carlos could post bail.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “That’s horrible. I can’t imagine having to sleep in jail.”

  “By Tuesday, everyone was saying I was the one who brought the drugs. I was the one who invited people over for the party. I was the one who started the fire. I didn’t even make it to class before I got hauled into the VP’s office and suspended for ten days. They gave me a three game suspension, but since the season was almost over, it was the same as getting kicked off the team. And then USC found out and they told me I wasn’t the kind of player they wanted at their school.”

  Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink them away. I can’t help it. I always cry at movies or sad stories. But to listen to Eddie talk about the unraveling of his hopes and dreams? It’s heartbreaking. I reach across the table and touch his hand, feeling compelled to offer comfort, but weird at the same time to be touching this person who is still essentially a stranger. Eddie captures my hand before I can pull it away.

  “I don’t understand how you got blamed for everything. Or why you were suspended for something that happened off campus.”

  “The other guys had lawyers when they talked to the cops. I had to make a statement by myself. I told the truth, but my truth was different from the truth the other guys came up with while I was sitting in jail. The other guys got a one game suspension, but mine was longer because I’d been in a fight earlier that night in the locker room. That’s why I got suspended. And, yeah, the school can suspend you from the team for any reason. We sign something at the beginning of the season that says we’ll uphold the school’s reputation, or some shit. Anyway, that’s how it all went down. USC saw my name in the paper, and well…”

  “It still seems unfair,” I say.

  “It’s my fault for being there. It’s my fault for getting drunk and smoking. I can’t blame anyone but myself. We all got in trouble. The other guys had to pay restitution.”

  “You mean their parents had to pay. So, they paid for the damage, but since you don’t have any money, they want to see you get punished by the courts?”

  “Basically. The other guys will go before the judge too. They’ll probably get community service.”

  “What’s going to happen to you?”

  “I don’t know. Probation probably. I’ve got a public defender now, but I haven’t really talked to him. He’s always in court or whatever.”

  A throbbing headache sets in as I think about the unfairness of Eddie’s situation. It isn’t just Eddie—these sorts of things happen all the time. Rich kids get off easy while poor kids have to pay for their crimes. I bet Eddie is the only one who regrets his actions. Well, maybe Alex does. He isn’t a bad guy—just stupid. But, Mark and the others? They don’t care. They do whatever they want when they want, and then cry to Mommy and Daddy when they get in trouble.

  Eddie is staring at me and I can’t tear my gaze from his. He’s still holding my hand. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry? That seems pretty lame. I’ll pray for you? I hope it all works out? Seriously, there is nothing I could say that will make things better.

  “So, anyway, that’s what happened. Sorry to bring down the mood, but I wanted you to hear my side of the story. I’m sure you already have preconceived notions about me, but I don’t want you to think I’m a horrible person. I just made a stupid mistake.”

  “I don’t think you’re a horrible person. Honestly, I’ve heard some things around school, but I didn’t know the whole story. You don’t have to worry about me judging you. Only God can judge. But I’m glad you told me. It must be hard to talk about.”

  “Not with you.”

  “Why me?”

  “You’re easy to talk to,” he says.

  “No, I mean… Why me? Why did you ask me to come here? Why did you even want to talk to me?”

  “Because I like you. Since the first time I saw you in Coach’s office holding your clipboard. Your hair was all piled up on top of your head and little pieces were falling down, so you kept blowing the strands out of your eyes. There was something about you that I liked.”

  I’m stunned. Speechless. He must be joking. Mark was the only guy to ever like me, and that was a joke. I was a joke. I questioned the relationship the whole time we were together. I was average, but Mark was gorgeous. Not as gorgeous as Eddie, but nice looking in a blond, blue-eyed, guy-next-door sort of way. He was a star baseball player and football player, and I was a drama geek. I barely spoke to him before I started tutoring him in junior English, and when he got a much-needed B on one of his tests, he picked me up, spun me around, and kissed me on the lips. He asked me out later and we were a couple after that. I knew Mark was out of my league the whole time we were together. I never planned to date someone like him. It just happened. I wish it hadn’t. Well, I won’t let it happen again. I won’t be someone else’s joke. Never again.

  I pull my hand from Eddie’s grasp. “We should practice our lines. It’s getting late.”

  “What’s wrong? What did I say?”

  “Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to boost my self-esteem so I’ll have some confidence on stage. You’re trying to put me at ease. I get that. But please don’t lie to me. Just…don’t.” My voice is shaking. I’m almost crying.

  “Yeah, you’re right. I’m trying to boost your confidence, but I’m not lying to you. I don’t play games, Rowan. I don’t tell people shit I don’t mean. I like you. If you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine. No hard feelings. Can we at least be friends?”

  I’m not sure what just happened, but I’m pretty sure I screwed up in a monumental way. Though I still can’t believe he likes me the way I want him to, I do want to be his friend. The pain in his eyes when he told me about his arrest—that was real. Eddie could use a friend.

  “Sorry to jump down your throat, Eddie. I’m not usually like this. Well, I have been lately, but I used to be normal. Well, not normal. But not as crazy.” I smile at him and shrug.

  “I don’t mind crazy. So, are we cool? Friends?” He sticks his hand out for me to shake. When my hand touches his, he doesn’t let it go right away. “Do you want to practice our lines, or are you ready to go home? Sun’s starting to set.”

  “I should probably head home.” It was at least a forty-five minute walk and would be pitch dark by the time I got home.

  “Do you want to walk, or should I call my brother to see if he’ll give us a ride?”

  “I can walk. It’s not that far.” I stand up and grab my backpack. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I’m not letting you walk home by yourself.” He takes my bag from me and slings it over his shoulder. “Where do you live?”

  “Off Maple. Behind the shopping center.”

  �
�I don’t live far from you, so we’re going the same way. Might as well walk together, right?”

  As we walk, our conversation gets easier and less uncomfortable. I discover that Eddie has an older brother, a younger sister, and two younger brothers. His parents are originally from Mexico, but Eddie and all his siblings were born in California.

  “You got any brothers or sisters?” he asks me.

  “Nope. I’m the only child.”

  “Must be nice.”

  “It’s okay. My mom and I are really close.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “Mom and I gang up on him all the time. He has a rough life.”

  Eddie laughs. “No wonder he’s such a ball-breaker on the field. Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that about your dad. But he’s tough.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ve heard worse over the years. I’ve had to develop a thick skin.” My dad isn’t just a football coach. He teaches geometry as well. He’s failed many a student for not towing the line. “What made you decide to try out for the play?” I ask.

  “Believe it or not, this isn’t my first play.”

  “I figured that. You’re too good to be a newbie.”

  “Thanks. When I was younger, I wanted to be an actor. I took lessons at the rec center. One of my teachers knew an agent, and he came and watched me. He said I was really good and wanted to sign me. My father was out of work. We didn’t have the money for headshots and real acting lessons. He and my brother thought acting was a sissy thing, so they told me to stick with sports. I’ve done community theatre since I was about eleven. It doesn’t cost anything, so my father’s cool with it. Well, mostly.”

  “Wow. You almost signed with an agent?” I’m impressed. I know a few people from school who have agents, but those are people who can afford expensive acting lessons. They have all the advantages, whereas Eddie has nothing.

  “Yeah. Anyway, even before I got in trouble, I planned to audition for the play this year.”

  “I’m glad you did,” I say.

  “Really?” He nudges me as we walk. My right arm brushes against his left. “Why is that?”

  “Because you’re an amazing actor.”

  “So it’s all about the play, huh?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Doesn’t have anything to do with the kissing scene, does it?”

  “Are you trying to make me nervous again? And just when I was starting to feel comfortable with you…” I smile at him and give him a gentle push.

  “See? I was right. I knew it would help for you to spend time with me. Alone.”

  We turn onto my street. My house is the third one down, and suddenly, I’m nervous about him walking me to my door. What if my dad is watching and sees Eddie? He’ll flip out.

  “Thanks for walking me home.”

  “This your house?” he asks, pointing behind me.

  “It’s the one down there.”

  “Then I haven’t walked you home, have I?” He starts walking and I have no choice but to follow.

  When we’re standing in my driveway, he asks, “Can you dial a number for me?”

  “Um, okay.” I take my phone out of the pocket of my jacket and dial the number he gives me. A ringer blasts, and I’m startled when he pulls his own phone out of his back pocket.

  “Thanks. Now I have your number.”

  I can’t help but smile. “You’re sneaky.”

  “Only when I have to be. Well, I’d better get going. See you tomorrow, Rowan. Are we hanging out after rehearsal?” he asks.

  I can’t resist him. “Okay. Sure.”

  “I’ll wear you down. One of these days, you’re gonna like me,” he says, turning away and walking down the sidewalk.

  “I already do,” I say, not sure if he can hear me.

  Chapter Nine

  I’m sitting on my bed doing my Latin homework. When my phone rings, I almost ignore it, but remember I was supposed to have called Morgan.

  “Hey, Mo,” I say without looking at the caller ID.

  “Is that how you always answer your phone?” a deep voice with a trace of an accent asks. Eddie. My hearts stops for a moment before beating an uneven rhythm in my chest.

  “Um, hi. Eddie?”

  “I hope it’s okay that I called you.”

  “Of course.”

  “I heard you,” he says.

  “What?”

  “I heard what you said when I was walking away. Did you mean it?”

  Crap. I’d taken a big risk when I said I liked him. Part of me wanted him to hear me. And he had. So why deny it?

  “Yes. I always mean what I say.”

  “So do I, Rowan. Are you going to be nervous tomorrow?”

  “Probably, but not as much as today. Or yesterday.”

  “Then we’ve made progress, right?”

  “Yeah.” What does he mean by progress? Progress in terms of resolving my anxiety? Or progress in our relationship. Wait—do we even have a relationship?

  “Don’t you ever get nervous?” I ask.

  “All the time. I used to get nervous before a game. I have court next month, and I’m nervous as hell about that. I was nervous today when I asked you to hang out after rehearsal. I thought for sure you’d say no.”

  “Really? That surprises me. You seemed totally confident, like you weren’t taking no for an answer.”

  “Confident or arrogant?” he asks, reminding me of what my dad had said about Eddie. Dad called him a cocky bastard. Is that just a persona?

  “Confident. I don’t see you as arrogant.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Go ahead.” I’m afraid of what he’s going to ask me. I hope it doesn’t have anything to do with Mark. What if he asks why we broke up? Did Mark say something about me?

  “If I can borrow my brother’s car, can I take you out this weekend?”

  “Okay.” I’m breathless, but not only because Eddie has just asked me out on a date. I’m breathless at the thought of telling my parents who I’m going out with. Does Eddie plan to come to the door and talk to my dad before taking me out? Or should I just pretend to go to Morgan’s and say nothing about Eddie at all?

  After a few minutes of talking, Eddie tells me he needs to call his brother. “I’ll let you know about this weekend. See you tomorrow, Rowan. Goodnight.”

  Euphoria and dread war inside me. One minute, I’m smiling at the thought of going out with Eddie. All my fantasies have come to life. The next minute, a circus of doubt parades through my mind. What if my dad finds out I’m seeing Eddie and forbids it? What if Eddie changes his mind? Or worse—what if Eddie is only asking me out as a joke?

  Finally, I call Morgan. If anyone can calm me down, she can. Only problem is, Morgan doesn’t know the whole story about Mark. She thinks Mark and I broke up because we argued all the time. Mark always wanted to party, while I wanted to do boring things like watch movies or talk. And Mark had a wandering eye, often making comments about other girls in front of me. Morgan knows how much that bothered me and how often Mark and I argued about it. She also knows Mark told me he asked me out because he felt sorry for me. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows enough.

  “Did you leave with Eddie today?” Morgan shouts when she answers the phone.

  “Yeah…”

  “Are you serious? Where did you go? Everyone was staring at you two. I guarantee everyone will be talking about it tomorrow.”

  I seriously doubt the entire student body will care enough to talk about me and Eddie tomorrow, but I’m sure a few people will speculate. “We just went to the park and talked for a while.”

  “Why? What did you talk about?”

  “I don’t know. It was weird. He wanted us to get to know each other so I won’t be nervous when we rehearse.”

  “Well I guess that sort of makes sense,” she says.

  “I guess. He talked to me about what happened a few months ago. He has to go to court next month.”

  “T
hat sucks.”

  “It does. I feel really bad for him. The other guys basically blamed him for everything. Their parents paid for the damage, but Eddie doesn’t have the money, so he’s at the mercy of the court.” I hope I’m not giving away too much information about Eddie’s personal life, but I know Morgan won’t tell anyone.

  “What else did you two talk about?”

  “Everything. He asked me out.”

  Morgan shrieks so loudly, I have to hold the phone away from my ear. “Oh my God! What did you say?”

  “Well, when he first told me he liked me, I didn’t believe him. I’m still not totally convinced.”

  “Oh, come on, Row. Of course he likes you. What’s not to like? Just because Mark was a douche doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give Eddie a chance. Not all guys are like Mark.”

  “Relax. I told him I’d go out with him this weekend if he can borrow his brother’s car.”

  “I hope he can,” she says.

  “Me too. The only thing I’m worried about is…”

  “…your dad,” she finishes for me. “What do you think he’ll say?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’ll tell him. I thought maybe I could tell him I was going somewhere with you and then maybe you can drop me off…”

  “Oh, totally. I could pick you up and then Eddie could meet us somewhere,” she offers.

  “That would work. Eddie and I will just have to keep a low profile at school.”

  “I think it’s too late for that.” Morgan giggles. “But maybe your dad won’t find out about you two if you’re careful from now on.”

  “Maybe.”

  I really don’t like sneaking around behind my parents’ backs, though it isn’t the first time. When Mark and I dated, my parents usually thought we were hanging out at the mall or going to the movies, when in fact, Mark was taking me to a party. How my dad never found out about some of the parties we went to is beyond me. But parents can be shockingly oblivious at times.

  ***

  I’m walking down the hallway toward my third period class and am surprised to see Eddie coming toward me. It’s the first time I’ve run into him between classes.