The Fifth Circle Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

  Quotes from The Divine Comedy are translations from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  THE FIFTH CIRCLE Copyright © 2013 by Tricia Drammeh

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author or except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  Contact Information: [email protected]

  Cover Art by Victoria Barrow

  Publishing History: First Edition, 2013

  Published in the United States of America

  Acknowledgements

  This book is dedicated to my parents, Ray and Diana Borus. Thank you for your love and support. You’re the best.

  I’d also like to thank my husband. Aaron Haruna Drammeh—you’re my heart and soul. My wonderful children—Chris, Dena, Khadeja, and Ahmed—I love you so much.

  A big, gigantic thank you to my beta readers. Katrina Jack—without your helpful input, this book would be five-hundred pages of rambling. I appreciate you taking the time to read the first draft and for pushing me in the right direction. Jacoba Dorothy—thank you for your encouragement. I don’t think I could publish a book without letting you read it first. Your insight is always welcome and invaluable.

  Thank you, Kim S., for answering my frequent questions about the criminal justice system.

  Boundless gratitude goes to Victoria Barrow for creating the amazing cover art.

  And, finally, I must thank Dante Alighieri and The Divine Comedy.

  Chapter 1- Alex

  I found myself within a forest dark,

  For the straightforward pathway had been lost

  (Canto I, lines 2 & 3)

  The music in my head was so loud, I could barely concentrate. It was my theme song, the tune that played every time I was faced with a decision. I could blame the song on my mom because she’d forced me to watch old movies with her from the time I was a little girl. Or, I could blame it on Choir because we sang an Oklahoma medley during my Junior year. The truth was, I had only myself to blame. The lyrics to “I’m Just a Girl Who Cain’t Say No,” most accurately described my biggest problem, at least where Sean was concerned. With Sean, I could never quite say no.

  I longed to say “no” just this once, but “yes” tumbled out the second I opened my mouth. It wasn’t because Sean was irresistible. At five-foot ten, Sean was average in every way. With his dark brown hair, green eyes, and slight build, he looked like a typical high school Senior. At school, he was known for being anything but typical.

  I wished I could take back my answer the moment it escaped my lips. The last thing I wanted to do was parade in front of the whole school with Sean as my date. But, I felt sorry for him. I couldn’t bear to break his heart. It occurred to me that Sean felt sorry for me too, and that between the two of us, I was the most deserving of pity. It was too late. “Yes” had already sealed my fate.

  “Thank you, Alex,” he said. “You’ll be glad you went. This is our last chance to go to Homecoming.”

  It was my last chance to do a lot of things. My life was a series of last chances and missed opportunities because even though I couldn’t say “no,” saying nothing at all was an answer in itself.

  In the past, Sean wouldn’t have pressed me for an answer. I missed the old Sean, the Sean who wouldn’t have even dared to ask me out. I liked it better when he was shy like me. Over the past few months, he’d become bolder. Maybe it was because he no longer cared what other people thought. Or, maybe he’d become fearless because he’d faced death.

  “We’ll go out to dinner first and…”

  “Sean,” I interrupted before he got too carried away. “You don’t have to take me to dinner or anything like that. We’re going as friends.”

  “Of course, Alex. Always as friends,” he muttered.

  “Best friends, right?” I smiled to take the edge off my rejection.

  There was a time I hadn’t been a very good friend to Sean. We’d been next-door neighbors since the first grade and were inseparable growing up. But when we started high school, I began to view Sean differently. I was no longer able to tune out what other people were saying about him: he was weird, a nerd, a gamer-geek. I noticed when he laughed too loud or made obscure references to Tales of Andrometis. Despite the fact that Sean often embarrassed me, we were still best friends. When my other friends ragged on me for hanging out with Sean, I always defended him.

  Everything changed during our Junior year. I didn’t have as much time for Sean after I got accepted into Honor Choir, and Sean didn’t have any time for me after he started playing Tales of Andrometis. In the lunchroom, I’d often find him huddled with a small cluster of gamers. They whispered animatedly about their avatars and latest conquests. After school, they congregated in the hallways, talking about strategy. When I tried to hang out with Sean on the weekends, he spoke of nothing but TOA. Any attempt to steer the conversation to something normal was fruitless. He was incapable of speaking of anything other than his favorite game. I finally gave up.

  When things began to unravel, I didn’t notice right away because I barely spent any time with Sean at all. We’d grown apart. It was my fault things went so terribly wrong. If I hadn’t given up on him, I would have noticed something was off. I would have been able to protect him the way he’d always protected me. Agreeing to go to the dance with him was the least I could do after everything he’d done for me.

  “My mom will be happy,” he said.

  “About what?”

  “That we’re going to the dance,” he replied.

  I looked down at my feet, not knowing what to say. I watched a line of ants marching across the driveway. They reminded me of high school.

  He continued, “She’s always up my ass, bugging me to do ‘normal high school stuff.’ Whatever that means. Anyway, she’ll be happy to see me getting out of the house.”

  “Maybe she’ll give you back your computer if she thinks you’re doing better,” I said. Sean’s mother had confiscated his computer after his hospitalization.

  “She gave it back to me last week. She said I’d need it for school. I have the internet, but TOA is blocked and so is almost every other decent game.” He looked over his shoulder and lowered his voice. “I found a new game. One that isn’t blocked.”

  “Sean, you need to be careful. I don’t want to see you…well, just be careful.”

  “I can handle it now. Trust me. I’ll be fine. It’s not like before,” he promised.

  “I should go home,” I said, gesturing toward my house. At any moment, my dad could come bursting outside. He hated Sean. Well, actually, he hated everybody.

  “Are you riding with me tomorrow?” Sean asked.

  “Hmm. Well, let’s see. I could ride the foul-smelling school bus, or I could catch a ride in my best friend’s new truck,” I replied, pretending to think it over. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I turned around and took a few uncomfortable steps toward my house. I could feel his eyes following me. When I tripped over the garden hose in my yard, I prayed for once, he wasn’t looking. I peeked over my shoulder and sure enough, he was watching me. My embarrassing display of clumsiness didn’t wipe the look of longing off his face, though. His yearning frightened me because I knew one day he might want something more than just a date to the school dance and I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to tell him no.

  ***

  At school the next day, I met up with my best-
girlfriend, Chelsea, in the lunchroom. Sean waved to me from his spot in the mile-long lunch line. I signaled for him to join us.

  Chelsea’s eyebrows rose. “Sean? Really?”

  “Come on, Chelse. He’s a nice guy.”

  “Yeah, for a psycho.”

  “He’s not a psycho. He’s doing really well,” I said. Then in response to the skeptical rolling of her eyes, I continued, “Yeah, he’s much better now. He went to summer school and got caught up on his classes. He’s going to start looking for a job, so his mom got him a truck. He actually drove us to school this morning.”

  “That’s scary. Should he even have a license?” she asked.

  “He’s a very good driver,” I insisted.

  “Until he snaps.”

  “He’s my friend. I wish you wouldn’t say that kind of stuff.” I changed the subject. “So, what do you think of that History project?”

  “I can’t believe these teachers,” she replied. “They’re piling on homework and it’s only the first day of school.”

  “Well, if you want to come over this weekend, we could make a dent in that stupid project before it gets too out of control.”

  She seemed hesitant. “Why don’t you come to my house instead? It’ll be more…quiet.”

  “Um, okay,” I agreed, somewhat offended by her barely concealed disdain for my family. But, in fairness, I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to come to my house. The more I thought about it, I liked the idea of hanging out somewhere else all weekend. If my dad let me.

  When Sean finally arrived at the lunch table, I felt a surge of renewed appreciation for him. He’d seen the worst my family had to offer and didn’t judge me for it. No matter what my dad did or how loud he did it, I never felt like I had to apologize to Sean. He was the only person who understood. For that, I owed him more than just a Homecoming dance.

  Chapter 2- Sean

  …and I the only one

  Made myself ready to sustain the war

  (Canto II, Lines 3 & 4)

  School sucked, but it was a necessary evil. It didn’t matter. It was one of those things I had to do. I could have dropped out. I’d just turned eighteen. My mom couldn’t threaten me with hospitalization again, but she could take away my truck. Or, worse—the computer. I shuddered at the idea of losing the computer again. I’d just got it back.

  There were two things in life I wanted: Tales of Andrometis and Alex. Unfortunately, Alex didn’t want me and I no longer had access to TOA, so I had to be content with an alternative. An alternative game—not an alternative girl. There was no substitute for Alex. She was beautiful, soft, kind…everything a man could want. I longed to pull the rubber band from her long, dark hair and run my hands through it. Sometimes I could smell her shampoo and the scent of coconut made me dizzy with lust. The fact that no one else could see her potential just made me doubt humanity.

  When I saw Alex in the lunchroom, she seemed happy to be back in school. It gave her a place to go and something to do. She needed an escape from her house, and school gave her an out. I didn’t need school. I had a better escape. It just so happened that her mode of escape was socially acceptable, but mine was not. Her preoccupation with schoolwork earned her the title, “Honor Student.” My preoccupation with gaming labeled me a Loser.

  The day was a total loss. I drifted from class to class, feeling disconnected from everyone around me. A few people said some shit to me about Stryder, but most people just ignored me. Sweat beaded my upper lip and with each class, it got worse. The teachers rambled on about their high expectations for the school year. They assigned essays and projects. Even though I took summer school classes to make up for all the time I’d missed Junior year, it wasn’t the same. I had no idea what was going on…no idea what the teachers were talking about. Everything seemed so difficult.

  When I couldn’t take it any longer, when I couldn’t handle the feeling of being left behind, I decided to check out. I was still there, but I wasn’t. My body was in school, but my mind was already gone. Since I couldn’t go to Andrometis, I went to Mordios instead. Mordios, the land of OwlBane 2031. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was still new to the game and somewhat clueless about how the whole thing worked, but that was okay. OwlBane wasn’t as sophisticated as Tales of Andrometis and the graphics weren’t as good, but I agreed with my mom and the counselor—I wasn’t ready for TOA. It was too soon after Stryder’s death to even consider jumping back into that game.

  After school, Alex hopped into the passenger seat of my truck, chatting continuously about a Choir competition and how she’d been moved from first Alto to second Soprano. I had no idea what she was talking about, but it didn’t matter. I just liked to hear her voice.

  When I finally got a word in edgewise, I asked, “Do you want to go over to my house? I’ll make you something to eat.”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  An afternoon with Alex was better than sitting alone playing OwlBane. A smile spread across my face, but it faded the moment I pulled onto our street. Alex’s dad was home. I cursed under my breath and glanced at Alex. She leaned forward slightly, her body rigid.

  “Do you want me to keep driving?” I asked.

  “No,” she sighed. “He knows what time I’m supposed to be home.”

  The afternoon was ruined for both of us. We went our separate ways. Alex faced an afternoon of tiptoeing around her father’s bad moods. I had a date with OwlBane. The moment I stepped inside my house, I began to shake. It was happening again. It was just like last year. Who would have thought that something as stupid as school would have triggered it? I could feel myself slipping back in time, back to a time before medication and therapy, before hospitalization, before Stryder’s death.

  I couldn’t remember walking through the living room and down the hallway, but somehow, I made it to my room. My whole body trembled as I reached out to press the button on the computer. I was on auto-pilot. Instinct took over and scattered all the new habits I’d carefully constructed over the summer. I blamed school for my relapse.

  A rush of excitement washed over me when the Mordios landscape appeared on the computer screen. It wasn’t as familiar as Andrometis, but Mordios had begun to feel like home. I was becoming part of the game. I sank into it, let it absorb me, and then I was one with Ares—my avatar.

  “Crap!” The security on my fortress had been compromised. My nemesis, Dragon1971, seemingly had no life outside of playing OwlBane 2031. He’d taken advantage of my quest for a high school diploma to sack my guard tower. I launched an attack and had just managed to clear his first line of security, when the alarm went off on my cell phone.

  I hesitated for a moment. I really needed to finish what I’d started, but couldn’t afford for my mom to catch me playing the game. She was due home any moment, and she’d already made it clear she would cut our internet service if she caught me doing anything I shouldn’t be doing online. I logged off, prayed for the best, shut down the computer, and went out to the kitchen to grab a soda. Would it be possible to skip school the next day? My time would be better spent on OwlBane instead of sleeping in class. If I could just get some uninterrupted time in Mordios, I’d be able to get ahead on the game. Once I got to a certain level, I could concentrate on school.

  “How was your first day as a Senior?” Mom asked the moment she came through the front door.

  “Fine.” No need to burden her with the details of how messed up the public school system was and how I hadn’t learned anything since the seventh grade. Why worry her by telling her about my lack of focus, or how the slightest noise distracted me?

  “Good. Did you give Alex a ride to school?” she asked, putting her purse and keys down on the countertop and taking some ground beef out of the refrigerator.

  I loved how she constantly tried to push me toward Alex. She knew I’d had a crush on Alex since middle school. If only she knew how unlikely it was that Alex and I would ever hook up.

  “Yeah,” I muttered.<
br />
  She reached into a cabinet and took out her bottle of headache pills. I felt guilty. My mom always had a headache, and I believed I contributed to it at least a little. She’d been a single mom for twelve years, worked full-time at a job she hated, made my dinner every night, and paid for the cornucopia of drugs prescribed to treat my Bipolar Disorder. She went to work on Saturdays to make up missed time when she had to take me to see the counselor, and I knew she hadn’t been on a date since my father left. I decided to put a smile on her face, if only for a second.

  “Alex and I are going to Homecoming together,” I said, trying to act casual while waiting for her explosion of joy. She wanted me to do normal high school stuff—going to school dances was about as normal as you can get.

  “Really? That’s wonderful!”

  “As friends,” I reminded her.

  “Well, it’s a start.”

  The moment my mom went to bed that night, I locked my bedroom door and logged on to my game. Dragon1971 had somehow managed to repair his defenses. I cursed silently and checked my tower. One troll dead, the other injured. I would almost have to stay home the next day, otherwise, I’d have nothing to come home to after school. I thought about Alex—her hatred of the bus, the look of compassion on her face when I got out of the hospital, the disappointment she would feel when she realized I’d abandoned her in favor of my newest imaginary friend. If I stayed up all night, I could take care of my online duties and still be able to go to school.

  I glanced at the bottles of pills on my nightstand. Trazadone. I was supposed to take one every night to help me sleep, but I decided not to take it. Sleep was overrated. I decided to skip the Effexor too. It made me yawn all the time and dulled my reflexes. If I was going to have any shot at being competitive in this game, I needed to be alert.