Sweet Sorrow Read online

  “Smells great,” Dad says, coming into the room and sitting down. “Honey, can you grab me a beer?”

  Mom is obviously busy, so I get up and get a can of beer from the refrigerator. I pour glasses of water for me and Mom, and place those on the table. When we’re all seated and settled, Mom leans forward expectantly.

  “So?” she asks. A smile lights up her tired face.

  “So, what?” I counter. I love the feeling of anticipation, of making this moment last.

  “Did your drama teacher post the cast list?”

  “Yep.” I giggle. Mom knows I’m doing this on purpose. It’s part of the ritual between us.

  “And?”

  “And I got a pretty good part,” I say, glancing down at my plate and pushing food around with my fork.

  “What part is that?” she asks breathlessly.

  I could make her work for it a little longer, but I can’t hold back. We’ve both waited for this moment, for me to announce I got a leading role. “You know. Juliet. No biggie.”

  We both squeal at the same moment. Dad chuckles at our girlie antics and takes a swig of beer.

  “Juliet? I knew you’d get the part. I knew it! I’m so proud of you.” She actually gets up from the table and comes around to where I’m sitting, wrapping me in a hug.

  “Nice job, Row,” Dad says. He thinks drama is a bit ridiculous, but I know he’s proud of me.

  “Tell me everything,” Mom says, sitting back down. “Is Morgan your understudy? Who got Romeo? Anyone I know?”

  “Yes, Morgan’s my understudy, which is definitely a first. She’s really happy for me, though. Even before auditions, she told me I’d get the part of Juliet. I just didn’t believe her.”

  “Well, I don’t know why not. Honey, you’re a terrific actress. You’re just as good as Morgan—better. You don’t have enough confidence in yourself,” she says.

  “Exactly,” Dad interjects, pointing at me with his fork. “It’s just like I tell my guys. Go out there like a badass. Intimidate the other team. Show ‘em you mean business. If you go out there like a bunch of pansies, it gives the other team confidence. Take no prisoners.”

  I have to suppress a giggle. Dad means well with his pep talk, but I doubt his strategy will work on stage. I imagine walking into the theatre and head-butting the competition. Mom must be thinking along the same lines as me, because she bursts into laughter. A second later, I join her.

  “What’s so funny, you two?” Dad asks.

  “You,” I reply. “You crack me up.”

  “Yeah, well, go ahead and laugh it up, ladies. Competition is all the same, whether it’s on the field or on the stage.” Dad shakes his head and cracks a smile. Secretly, I think he likes it when Mom and I gang up on him. Well, he’s used to it anyway.

  “Who got the part of Romeo?” Mom asks.

  “A guy named Eddie. You haven’t seen him before. This is his first school play,” I say.

  “Eddie who?” Dad asks.

  “Um, Eddie Velasquez,” I reply, waiting for his reaction.

  “Eddie? Are you kidding me? That joker is in a play?” He chuckles and leans back in his seat.

  “Isn’t that the same Eddie who was on your team?” Mom asks. She helps Dad with the rosters and spreadsheets, so like me, she usually recognizes the names of the players.

  “Yep. One and the same. He’s the one who started all that trouble,” Dad says.

  “And he tried out for the school play? That’s odd,” Mom says.

  I want to hear more about the incident and why Dad thinks Eddie is to blame for all of it. Luckily, I don’t have to ask him because Mom starts talking again.

  “Weren’t several boys involved? Why do you think Eddie was the instigator?”

  “Because he’s trouble. He thought he was the big shit just because he busted a couple of records. I never liked that kid. Never.”

  It was weird that Dad never liked one of his star players. Usually anyone who breaks a school record is an automatic favorite.

  “He was always a cocky little bastard. Didn’t think the rules applied to him, you know? It didn’t surprise me a bit when I heard he got arrested. He’s always had a bad temper and started shit with other players. I hated that he tried to drag a bunch of other guys down with him.”

  “But he wasn’t the only one who got picked up by the police,” Mom said. Good ole Mom. Always sticking up for the underdog.

  “But he was the only one they detained. The other boys were out of jail that night. Eddie spent three days behind bars. He had to go before the judge before they let him out,” Dad says.

  I know most of the boys who got in trouble, and all of them are from families with serious money. They have lawyers on call and deep pockets. Maybe Eddie didn’t have anyone to post bail. But maybe I just don’t want to believe Eddie is bad. I’m making excuses for him because I have a crush on him. Maybe the police kept Eddie for a reason.

  “Boys will be boys. I don’t think Eddie is the first football player to get in trouble with drinking and drugs. He certainly won’t be the last,” Mom says. “It’s a shame he lost his spot on the team because of what happened. I still don’t understand why the other boys didn’t get in trouble.”

  Money. It’s all about money. Those who have money get away with things, and those who don’t have to face the consequences of their actions.

  “He didn’t just lose his spot on the team. He lost a scholarship too. I never liked Eddie, but I do feel sorry for him. It’s a pretty steep price to pay for making one mistake,” Dad says. “I hope he doesn’t ruin your play, Rowan.”

  “I’m sure he won’t, Dad.”

  “Who’s his understudy?” Mom asks.

  “Blake. Of course.”

  “Mr. Fredericks is really mixing things up this year,” Mom says.

  “Hope he doesn’t regret it,” Dad replies. “Eddie is nothing but a pain in the ass. Oh well.” He stands up and grabs another beer from the refrigerator. “I’m gonna go watch some TV. You two girls have fun gossiping about the play.” He leans over and kisses me on the cheek. “I’m real proud of you, Row. This is gonna be a great year for you. You know, I was pretty worried about you over the summer. After you and Mark broke up, you weren’t yourself at all. I’m glad to see you’re getting back into the swing of things again.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I say, wishing he wouldn’t have mentioned Mark.

  When he leaves the room, Mom says, “We were both worried about you. I’m glad you’re out of that funk you were in all summer. Ever since auditions started, you’ve got the light back in your eyes. It’s good to see you happy.”

  Tears prick my eyes. Things are getting too heavy with the parents. They’re more perceptive than I’ve given them credit for, though not perceptive enough. If I started bawling, it wouldn’t take long for Mom to start asking questions. Time to escape.

  “Morgan wants me to spend the night at her house. I know you wanted to hang out and talk about the play, but…”

  “Of course you should go,” she says. “I’ll bet you two have a lot to talk about. Go. Have fun. Celebrate.”

  I get up from the table and gather dirty dishes to take to the sink. Mom takes them from me. “Go ahead. I got this. You have fun with Morgan.”

  “Okay, thanks, Mom. Let me go get ready. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Row.” She pulls me into a quick hug. When she releases me, I go to my room to get a few things together for tonight.

  After I text Morgan and ask her to come get me, I change into pajama pants and a sweatshirt. I grab a duffel bag and pack a change of clothes, my toothbrush, and a few other essentials. When Morgan texts me to let me know she’s waiting in the driveway, I say goodbye to my parents, anxious to have my girls’ night with Mo. Suddenly, I’m ready to face the world I’d left behind while I hid in my room, struggling with debilitating depression. I’m ready to have some fun.

  Morgan’s house is incredible, though by no means the largest
house I’ve visited. Two stories with six bedrooms, a kitchen with all the latest gadgets, an open floor plan perfect for entertaining, a swimming pool, and a back patio large enough to host huge parties. Morgan’s house is a multimillion dollar masterpiece that boasts a fulltime maid, a chef, a pool boy, and gardeners. A lot of the houses in our school district are like this.

  My neighborhood is in a section at the edge of the school district. The kids who live here make up a small percentage of the student population at my school. My parents consider themselves lucky to have found a house in the district, where my dad is close to his job and where I can go to one of the best schools in the region. My house is a three bedroom ranch with a yard so tiny, it only takes Dad five minutes to mow it. Our home is small, but comfortable.

  On the outskirts of my neighborhood, there are a few streets that students often refer to as ‘the ghetto.’ It’s not really a bad area, but it’s a little run down and it isn’t far from a neighboring district that’s known for crime and drugs. Many of the students from this section of our school district are eligible for free lunch, but most of them would rather starve than rely on charity. It seems unfair that students who experience such deprivation are forced to attend school with those who have a monthly allowance that exceeds the annual revenue of some third world countries.

  I love Morgan’s house, and though I don’t feel entirely comfortable when I see her maid scurrying around cleaning up after our messes, I’m happy to be going there tonight. Driving past the well-landscaped yards and towering mini-mansions, I’m filled with a sense of euphoria I haven’t felt in months. By the time we pull into Morgan’s driveway and into her three car garage, I’m feeling giddy with excitement about the evening ahead.

  Morgan’s room is enormous with a private bathroom, king-size canopy bed, and luxurious carpet. We sort through the movies she’s selected and choose a cute, girly, Cinderella-story we used to watch in middle school.

  At midnight, we take a break from watching movies, and order pizza to be delivered. We’ve already had one energy drink each, and there are four more lined up across her dresser. It’s too chilly to swim, but we decide to eat our pizza outside on the patio. The view from her backyard is incredible. We can see the lights of Los Angeles in the distance.

  “Are you going to quit your job once the play starts?” Morgan asks.

  I work part time at a local fast food restaurant, but they only schedule me for about fifteen hours per week. I hate the idea of quitting, because I don’t want to ask my parents for allowance. I like the independence of making my own money. Plus, I’ve been putting most of my paychecks in a savings account for college.

  “I don’t think I’ll quit. They usually only schedule me for the weekends anyway. I’ll just have to make sure they know I can’t work on weekdays at all after Christmas break,” I say.

  “Next semester is going to be so busy, it’s unreal.”

  “Yeah, it’ll be intense.” I take a drink of soda and lean back in the lounge chair. There’s a cool breeze tonight and it’s heavenly.

  “Just think—you’ll be spending every afternoon with Eddie,” she says.

  I sigh with satisfaction, happy the conversation has taken this fortunate turn. My crush on Eddie has morphed into obsession. All I want to do is talk about him.

  “I’ll be spending every afternoon with the entire cast,” I remind her.

  “But you won’t have a kissing scene with anyone but Eddie.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so nervous about that. What if he thinks I’m a bad kisser? What if he drools?”

  “Girl, you’re the one who drools—every time you look at Eddie.”

  My cheeks flame. “I’m not that obvious, am I?”

  “No. I’m just messing with you. Earlier today when I teased you about Eddie liking you, that was the first time I realized you were crushing on him. Your reaction was priceless.” She laughs.

  “You don’t think he knows, do you?” Suddenly, I’m nervous that Eddie knows how I feel about him. He’ll think I’m a huge joke.

  “No,” Morgan says. “You were totally casual. Don’t worry. He doesn’t know.”

  “Oh, crap. Was I a bitch to him?”

  Morgan is rolling with laughter now. “Stop freaking out, Row. You were fine. He’s not going to run screaming from you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You were sort of shy, but you weren’t rude or weird or anything like that.”

  “Okay. Good.”

  “You know what?” she asks. “This is the most fun I’ve had in ages. I don’t know what’s been going on with you, but ever since you and Mark broke up, you’ve been weird. Boring. I love seeing you back to your old self—all worked up over a hot guy.”

  I have to steer the conversation away from Mark. Morgan thinks we broke up under mutual agreement. She doesn’t know about all the shit that went down between us, and I don’t want to ruin the night by talking about it.

  “What makes you think Eddie likes me?” I ask.

  “The way he looks at you. He looked at you like you’re the only girl on Earth. Like he wanted to snatch you away from the mall.”

  Shivers rack my body. Is Morgan telling the truth? Did Eddie really look at me that way?

  “What do you think your dad would say if you and Eddie started seeing each other?” she asks.

  “I don’t see that going well. My dad doesn’t like him. After all the drama with him getting arrested, well, I think my dad blames Eddie for getting the other guys involved.” I hope I haven’t said too much. I usually try to keep our family conversations secret. Sometimes my dad says stuff at home that could get him in trouble if people at school found out. He’s told me and Mom some confidential things about his players.

  “What can he really say, though? You’ll be eighteen in January.”

  “It doesn’t matter how old I am. You know how my dad is. He isn’t afraid to give his opinion. And as long as I’m living in his house, he’ll tell me what to do.”

  “If he doesn’t find out…”

  I burst into laughter. “Not find out? He works at the school. If Eddie and I started seeing each other, my dad would know about it by the time the bell rang at the end of the day.”

  “It must suck having your dad working at the same school you go to.” Morgan and I often talk about this. For most people, school is separate from their parents. It’s sort of like a secret life.

  “Yeah, but I’m not the only one. LaTeesha’s mom works in the library. And look at some of those PTA moms who are always at school all up in their kids’ business.”

  “Oh yeah. Like Jana’s mom. She hangs out in the office and talks to the students like she’s their best friend. I’m surprised she doesn’t show up at parties or try out for cheerleading.”

  I cringe just thinking about poor Jana and her overbearing mother. At least my dad is in a position of authority. He acts like a coach or teacher at all times. Sure, he has a certain camaraderie with his football players, but he’s still the boss. He isn’t disgusting like some of the coaches who flirt with teenage girls, or who try to be friends with everyone. He’s known as strict, but fair. Badass, but funny. All in all, I’m pretty proud of my dad.

  “I wonder if Eddie would even ask you out. I mean, with your dad being his ex-coach and everything, he might be intimidated.”

  I think about what my dad said earlier, about how Eddie is cocky, and how he doesn’t think the rules apply to him. Somehow, I don’t think Eddie would care what my dad thinks. If he wants to ask me out, he’ll do it. I hope.

  “Eddie doesn’t seem like the type to be intimidated by anyone. Seriously, after everything that happened, he still had the guts to audition for the play. Obviously, he isn’t shy.”

  “True. I hope he asks you out, Row. You could use some excitement in your life.”

  I hope he asks me out too, though I’m not sure how much excitement I can handle. My life has been eventful enough already, and the more I think about Eddie and all the exci
tement he might bring me, the more apprehensive I am about next semester and the senior play.

  Chapter Seven

  For the first time in my academic career, I’m glad Christmas vacation is over. Not that I didn’t enjoy sleeping in every day and eating Christmas cookies—but it got to the point where I was more excited about upcoming rehearsals than I was about the extra sleep and sugar. The auditions had definitely been a turning point in my life. From the moment I was cast as Juliet, things began to improve. Over the break, I actually felt like hanging out with people. In fact, I spent the night at Morgan’s house four times. I haven’t had a nightmare in weeks—not a single one since auditions.

  After Christmas break, we had a brief review before being plunged headfirst into midterms. Now the new semester has begun and rehearsals are starting today after school. Morgan and I have four classes together this semester—English, show choir, Latin, and drama. My last class of the day is an elective I took just to fill up my schedule—art appreciation.

  I walk into the art classroom and stagger back a step when I see Eddie. He nods at me. The class is already filling up. I see two girls I know from show choir, but there aren’t any empty seats near them, so I have no choice but to move toward the back of the classroom. Eddie is sitting at a two-seater table alone. I sit at the table next to him, hoping he doesn’t think I’m a freak for claiming a seat next to someone I barely know. I wonder if he remembers our encounter at the mall.

  “What’s up?” he asks.

  “Not much.” He looks so good I want to die. His dark hair has grown out since I last saw him almost a month ago. A month? I can’t believe it’s been that long, but it has. The short sleeves of his Dodgers t-shirt hug his biceps. Am I drooling? I hope not.

  “Ready for rehearsal?”

  My stomach does a series of flip flops as I contemplate having to perform with Eddie. What was I thinking? There’s no way I can do it.

  “You okay?” he asks, looking at me closely.

  “Yeah. I’m just really nervous about this afternoon.”